Based on simple genetics, it is a good bet that Joshua will need braces on his teeth and glasses for his eyes. Those things we knew before ever getting pregnant.
That was the doctor's way of bringing up Joshua's cleft upper lip before handing him over to Renee in the delivery room.
And so we start off a journey that will include at least one surgery to straighten that up and a whole lot of deeper questions about what role physical ideals play in life.
First, let me say that in the grand scheme of birth defects, this is relatively minor. Last year I got to visit with some parents whose son had half of a heart. Multiple surgeries and amazing medical advances will allow him a shot at a relatively normal life.
Lots of other parents go through the agony of losing a child to cancer, heart defects, genetic disorders ... lots of things. The fact that those parents would gladly deal with something as minor as a cleft lip is not lost on me.
But nothing is really minor as a first time parent, is it?
What has been most interesting at every step in researching the treatment of cleft lip has been a discussion of the social implications once Joshua hits about second grade. Effective teasing begins then apparently.
So is he doomed to torture, ridicule and some sort of personality complex that will haunt him his whole life?
I can only think that a big part of parenting is turning the unique imperfections (physical or otherwise) of each child into a point of strength and empathy. Of course, that has to be modeled first by Renee and me before Joshua will get it.
So are "Wood-eye / Harelip" jokes still funny? Hmmmm.
We will have the initial surgery in August... If you have experience with that, I'd love to hear your thoughts and experience. Of course we will share ours along the way.
In other news, Joshua is doing great– eating, sleeping, pooping as any happy baby should be. Friends and family, thank you for all of the encouragement, kind words and good humor to keep us going through the sleep deprivation. He has been sleeping for longer intervals and we are getting out of the house more.
Until next time, more coffee.
Beautifully written Don~
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing I love this baby already because I'm so fond of his parents. Praying every step of the way, Joshua is beautiful!
ReplyDeleteDon! Think Joaquin Phoenix! He's a star but he has the cleft lip scar...didn't seem to stop him.
ReplyDeleteI have seen literally hundreds of surgery shows on TLC and E and NatGeo where docs repair cleft lips and palates and I sincerely doubt that by the time this child gets up in age there will barely be a scar to notice much less something "make fun of". I have not known anyone personally that has had the surgery, but feel like I've seen so many on tv and the scars are now so very minimal that I am just feeling this will turn out to be a non-issue for Joshua. Positive thoughts!
I didn't want to post this on the day he was born because you would think I was crazy but....as crazy as it sounds, I find cleft lips kinda sexy. Really - I do. I don't on a child of course =) but on grown men, I do. I went to school with a guy with a cleft lip and no one ever made fun of him - he was just like any other kid. And these days, they would find something to make fun of - hair color, weight, glasses, shoes - it's always something and his will just be his lip. Unfortunately we live in a society that is like that!
ReplyDeleteHe's gorgeous and I see no imperfections - just a special place where he was kissed by God!
i truly believe that regardless of whatever imperfection we have we just need to realize that that this is who we are. and yes, granted, some people will make fun of us, but its the way we deal with things and how we react that will make others realize that maybe it isn't a big deal. my favorite part about talking with people about my imperfections are trying to understand and compromise with them as to why they feel the way they do. and yes some people will listen, and others wont. but in the big scheme of things people will be people, and those people who can be positive and understanding are those you want to be around. those who are negative...stay far away from. :) i hope this helped.
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